Having my surgery on Thursday in Calgary. I will have to call the hospital the day before in order to find out what time the surgery will be at.
I cannot wait for it to be done.
My boys will be staying in Lethbridge with their uncle and aunt. Although I know they will be well taken care of, I am sad to know that I won't see them for a couple days. I will miss them so much. It's weird eh? They drive you insane some days, yet when they are away, you cannot stop thinking about them, and wondering if they are coping well without you. Two days is not much I know but it feels like a lot to me somehow.
I have been a cancer patient for a whole month now. I still don't like saying it but it is what it is. Nobody ever likes to say it I guess. Keeping this post simple.
It is 1:14 am! Good Night.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Biking, lump, waiting, doctor, Christmas Eve, etc...
This post will be a long one so bare with me. I wondered whether or not to write it. Let's start in the beginning.
Back in June/July, I started biking. I love biking. It has less impact on my bad joints, and I love taking my time looking at my surroundings when I do it. I actually get to notice things I wouldn't otherwise. I biked a minimum of 10 km and a maximum of 20-25 km, depending on the weather, time I go out and Marc's on call duties. One day, in July, after exhausting myself cycling in the wind back to our apartment and having swallowed a bunch of unwanted bugs, I noticed a lump in my right inner thigh, just above my knee. At first, it didn't really bother me but slowly, it became painful and kept me up at night. For me to say that something is painful is huge. I have a great tolerance for pain. My C-sections were a walk in the park compared to the pain I have had with my R.A, so I knew something was up.
I called my doctor and was able to see him by the end of August. He didn't know what it was, and first thought it might be a nodule due to my R.A. I knew it wasn't because I have seen them before and this wasn't one of them. He ordered an ultrasound to be done in Lethbridge but this didn't happen until November 24th, 2015. I waited for two months for this darn ultrasound. Seriously! Since July until half way through December, I had trouble sleeping, and insomnia became my new norm.
November 24th came, and I finally had the ultrasound. A week later the results came back but neither the doctor nor the ultrasound people could tell me what this lump was, so my doctor ordered a biopsy.
December 09th, 2015
I had my biopsy.
Between the time the lump started to get painful until a week before I found out the result of the biopsy, I tried to look for similar stories to mine, online. But I couldn't find anything until a few days before I had my biopsy. My mind went into overdrive. I couldn't find peace. I had so many questions. Sleep wasn't happening, and my worries went through the roof. I got on my knees and prayed to my Father in Heaven and told him that if what I had was exactly what I thought I had, then I was ready for it. I told him that I would take it and deal with it with his help and love for me. I felt comfort and knew that a new trial was ahead, before I could give it a name. Although I didn't want this trial, I knew it was there and I will have to deal with it. I felt at PEACE! A peace that he loves me, that he is near me, and that I would be looked after, no matter what the outcome was.
A week after the biopsy, we found out that my samples were sent to Calgary for further testing.
December 24, 2015
Exactly a month to the day I had the ultrasound, I found out I had cancer. Stage 1 leiomyosarcoma he said. Believe me or not, I was relieved to know. I was relieved to not have to guess or wonder any longer. Of course, nothing really prepares you to hear your doctor announce that you have cancer. What a nasty word it is! After taking in the news, I let a teardrop fall gently off my cheeks, took a deep breath, tried not to lose it in Dr Yawney's office, and off we started doing blood tests, X-rays, and he started making phone calls and sending requests for medical appointments in Lethbridge and Calgary.
Once all that was done, we went home. Marc went back to work to tell his boss about it, and came home. Emotions were still raw, and I felt like I didn't have to be strong anymore so, naturally, I broke down, in the comfort of our two bedroom apartment. I called my family. Marc talked to his. He sent texts to our ward leaders and a couple of our friends. I texted my dear friend, and only her. I couldn't talk! Our phone started ringing. Family members were calling to offer support, and words of comfort. Church leaders did the same, and my dear friend called too. She offered help, comforting words and took upon herself to let our other friends know about it. More than ever before, I felt deep gratitude for her and the friendship we have. Chad, the elder's quorum president, came over and gave me a priesthood blessing. It was so powerful I could literally hear the faith in the blessing and witnessed faith in action. He reminded me of the love my Father in Heaven has for me. He told me that if I continued to believe, my faith would make me whole, and that our family would be taken care of. My faith would make me whole!
After I composed myself, we readied ourselves for our Christmas Eve festivities. After all, it was still a joyous time, a time to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. This same baby who I knew had saved me already. Uncle David and aunt Celia came to visit that night. We laughed and had a nice visit, and for a short time I was able to "forget" about the C word. Marc asked me to write about it, so our boys could read it later. I tried! I really did! The first four days I was able to write a little but it somehow became too hard after that.
January 05, 2016
I had a CT Scan done in Lethbridge. The wait was long but the procedure was really fast.
January 07, 2016
I had an appointment with Dr Lloyd Mack, a sarcoma specialist, in Calgary. He reviewed the CT Scan pictures and announced that everything looked good. No sign of cancer in my lungs. Great news for me since my type of cancer tends to spread to the lungs. No metastasis he said. He touched the tumor in my inner thigh and felt confident that he could remove it all in one shot. He had better! :). All in all the visit to Calgary was worth the drive, and the news was GREAT to hear.
January 11th, 2016
I had an MRI done in Lethbridge. Waiting time was long, and the procedure quite lengthy, a whole hour. I should have napped while I was in the machine. :). My awesome friend looked after our boys, fed us, and let us crash her family home evening. It was a good day!
Since finding out I have cancer, I have had days where worries would creep into my mind, and tears would drop unexpectedly. I have had good days and bad days, but not once did I ask "why me?". I am not mad. I take it one day at the time. Since the visit to Calgary, I feel even more hopeful. I know it is hard on my husband too. I wish he didn't have to deal with it, because yes he does deal with it as much as I do. However, I am glad he is with me, near me, walking hand in hand with me through it all.
I have learned that googling about my type of cancer is a big NO NO. It is depressing! I have learned that I don't like to say out loud that I have cancer. I try not to say it out loud. I have learned that I need to humble myself in order to receive help from Marc's family, from our friends, and our ward family. I wish I had my parents near me, and my siblings too but I know they pray for me, and equally wish that I was near them. I still think life is good. Life is good when you are surrounded by genuine people who care, love and want to help you go through it. I have felt people's faith, and prayers, and fast on my behalf over the past few weeks. Today more than ever, I am grateful for the gospel in my life. Grateful for my membership in the Church. Grateful for my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
As more people are finding out about me, I thought I would share this on my blog, since there are only a handful of people that I actually know who read this (plus some anonymous ones). You won't hear or read about it on Facebook. I am not sure if I will post about it often. Maybe just the good news :). I can't wait to hear when I will have the surgery to remove the lump.
Back in June/July, I started biking. I love biking. It has less impact on my bad joints, and I love taking my time looking at my surroundings when I do it. I actually get to notice things I wouldn't otherwise. I biked a minimum of 10 km and a maximum of 20-25 km, depending on the weather, time I go out and Marc's on call duties. One day, in July, after exhausting myself cycling in the wind back to our apartment and having swallowed a bunch of unwanted bugs, I noticed a lump in my right inner thigh, just above my knee. At first, it didn't really bother me but slowly, it became painful and kept me up at night. For me to say that something is painful is huge. I have a great tolerance for pain. My C-sections were a walk in the park compared to the pain I have had with my R.A, so I knew something was up.
I called my doctor and was able to see him by the end of August. He didn't know what it was, and first thought it might be a nodule due to my R.A. I knew it wasn't because I have seen them before and this wasn't one of them. He ordered an ultrasound to be done in Lethbridge but this didn't happen until November 24th, 2015. I waited for two months for this darn ultrasound. Seriously! Since July until half way through December, I had trouble sleeping, and insomnia became my new norm.
November 24th came, and I finally had the ultrasound. A week later the results came back but neither the doctor nor the ultrasound people could tell me what this lump was, so my doctor ordered a biopsy.
December 09th, 2015
I had my biopsy.
Between the time the lump started to get painful until a week before I found out the result of the biopsy, I tried to look for similar stories to mine, online. But I couldn't find anything until a few days before I had my biopsy. My mind went into overdrive. I couldn't find peace. I had so many questions. Sleep wasn't happening, and my worries went through the roof. I got on my knees and prayed to my Father in Heaven and told him that if what I had was exactly what I thought I had, then I was ready for it. I told him that I would take it and deal with it with his help and love for me. I felt comfort and knew that a new trial was ahead, before I could give it a name. Although I didn't want this trial, I knew it was there and I will have to deal with it. I felt at PEACE! A peace that he loves me, that he is near me, and that I would be looked after, no matter what the outcome was.
A week after the biopsy, we found out that my samples were sent to Calgary for further testing.
December 24, 2015
Exactly a month to the day I had the ultrasound, I found out I had cancer. Stage 1 leiomyosarcoma he said. Believe me or not, I was relieved to know. I was relieved to not have to guess or wonder any longer. Of course, nothing really prepares you to hear your doctor announce that you have cancer. What a nasty word it is! After taking in the news, I let a teardrop fall gently off my cheeks, took a deep breath, tried not to lose it in Dr Yawney's office, and off we started doing blood tests, X-rays, and he started making phone calls and sending requests for medical appointments in Lethbridge and Calgary.
Once all that was done, we went home. Marc went back to work to tell his boss about it, and came home. Emotions were still raw, and I felt like I didn't have to be strong anymore so, naturally, I broke down, in the comfort of our two bedroom apartment. I called my family. Marc talked to his. He sent texts to our ward leaders and a couple of our friends. I texted my dear friend, and only her. I couldn't talk! Our phone started ringing. Family members were calling to offer support, and words of comfort. Church leaders did the same, and my dear friend called too. She offered help, comforting words and took upon herself to let our other friends know about it. More than ever before, I felt deep gratitude for her and the friendship we have. Chad, the elder's quorum president, came over and gave me a priesthood blessing. It was so powerful I could literally hear the faith in the blessing and witnessed faith in action. He reminded me of the love my Father in Heaven has for me. He told me that if I continued to believe, my faith would make me whole, and that our family would be taken care of. My faith would make me whole!
After I composed myself, we readied ourselves for our Christmas Eve festivities. After all, it was still a joyous time, a time to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. This same baby who I knew had saved me already. Uncle David and aunt Celia came to visit that night. We laughed and had a nice visit, and for a short time I was able to "forget" about the C word. Marc asked me to write about it, so our boys could read it later. I tried! I really did! The first four days I was able to write a little but it somehow became too hard after that.
January 05, 2016
I had a CT Scan done in Lethbridge. The wait was long but the procedure was really fast.
January 07, 2016
I had an appointment with Dr Lloyd Mack, a sarcoma specialist, in Calgary. He reviewed the CT Scan pictures and announced that everything looked good. No sign of cancer in my lungs. Great news for me since my type of cancer tends to spread to the lungs. No metastasis he said. He touched the tumor in my inner thigh and felt confident that he could remove it all in one shot. He had better! :). All in all the visit to Calgary was worth the drive, and the news was GREAT to hear.
January 11th, 2016
I had an MRI done in Lethbridge. Waiting time was long, and the procedure quite lengthy, a whole hour. I should have napped while I was in the machine. :). My awesome friend looked after our boys, fed us, and let us crash her family home evening. It was a good day!
Since finding out I have cancer, I have had days where worries would creep into my mind, and tears would drop unexpectedly. I have had good days and bad days, but not once did I ask "why me?". I am not mad. I take it one day at the time. Since the visit to Calgary, I feel even more hopeful. I know it is hard on my husband too. I wish he didn't have to deal with it, because yes he does deal with it as much as I do. However, I am glad he is with me, near me, walking hand in hand with me through it all.
I have learned that googling about my type of cancer is a big NO NO. It is depressing! I have learned that I don't like to say out loud that I have cancer. I try not to say it out loud. I have learned that I need to humble myself in order to receive help from Marc's family, from our friends, and our ward family. I wish I had my parents near me, and my siblings too but I know they pray for me, and equally wish that I was near them. I still think life is good. Life is good when you are surrounded by genuine people who care, love and want to help you go through it. I have felt people's faith, and prayers, and fast on my behalf over the past few weeks. Today more than ever, I am grateful for the gospel in my life. Grateful for my membership in the Church. Grateful for my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
As more people are finding out about me, I thought I would share this on my blog, since there are only a handful of people that I actually know who read this (plus some anonymous ones). You won't hear or read about it on Facebook. I am not sure if I will post about it often. Maybe just the good news :). I can't wait to hear when I will have the surgery to remove the lump.
 |
| A pic so you have an idea where it is. In a sick way, I actually like this pic. I know weird me :). |
Monday, January 11, 2016
Yann and papa's birthday!
This year, papa took care of choosing the cake for their birthdays, and I bought a few things to match. The cake's theme this year was Monster's University, as there were no pirate themed cakes available.
Luckily for me, there's a new store that opened in Lethbridge called Party City. In love with that store. I could have stayed in all day. For once, I didn't feel like going on Pinterest and get inspiration to do some diy decorations, so it was nice to have the option of bying things. And luckily for me, the Monster University party items were on sale. Anyway, once again, we didn't put on a big party. It was just the four of us and at the last minute (the night before), papa invited his younger brother and his family to come.
Yann wanted chicken burger for his meal. So that's what we had, accompanied by papa's delicious macaroni salad, and all the fixings you need to go on a burger.
We sang the birthday song twice since little M felt like we ought to sing happy birthday to him too, and they blew the candle twice.
Yann was EXCITED to have his little party. At the end of it, he told us that this was the best birthday party ever. We were so happy he felt that way. When he turns five, we will have a "real' party with family and friends.
Yann got a toy and a sweater from us, and his uncle and aunt gave him some money. After seeing how sad his brother was because he didn't get a toy, Yann promised Marc that he will buy him something with his money. It melted my heart when I heard this. This morning, Yann reminded me about buying a present for Marc with his money so on Saturday we are going to make a special trip to Lethbridge just to do that.
FOUR years old? Seriously? I watched a video of him that my mother in law took the day he was born and couldn't hold the tears in. They really do grow up fast, too fast.
Here's some pics of the birthday! Sorry the pics are not great.
Luckily for me, there's a new store that opened in Lethbridge called Party City. In love with that store. I could have stayed in all day. For once, I didn't feel like going on Pinterest and get inspiration to do some diy decorations, so it was nice to have the option of bying things. And luckily for me, the Monster University party items were on sale. Anyway, once again, we didn't put on a big party. It was just the four of us and at the last minute (the night before), papa invited his younger brother and his family to come.
Yann wanted chicken burger for his meal. So that's what we had, accompanied by papa's delicious macaroni salad, and all the fixings you need to go on a burger.
We sang the birthday song twice since little M felt like we ought to sing happy birthday to him too, and they blew the candle twice.
Yann was EXCITED to have his little party. At the end of it, he told us that this was the best birthday party ever. We were so happy he felt that way. When he turns five, we will have a "real' party with family and friends.
Yann got a toy and a sweater from us, and his uncle and aunt gave him some money. After seeing how sad his brother was because he didn't get a toy, Yann promised Marc that he will buy him something with his money. It melted my heart when I heard this. This morning, Yann reminded me about buying a present for Marc with his money so on Saturday we are going to make a special trip to Lethbridge just to do that.
FOUR years old? Seriously? I watched a video of him that my mother in law took the day he was born and couldn't hold the tears in. They really do grow up fast, too fast.
Here's some pics of the birthday! Sorry the pics are not great.
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| Admiring the cake. |
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| He just wanted to eat the cake. |
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| Singing... |
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| Waiting to blow the candle... |
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| Marc's turn. |
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| B-Max |
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| A picture of me haha. |
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| My true love (so cheesy I know). |
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| John Deere. |
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| So sad. |
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Christmas Eve!
Christmas Eve was different this year.
Marc got the menu prepared in advance, and bought all the ingredients for our celebration a few days prior and cooked a few things in advance too. He had homemade meatballs (yummy), stuffed mushrooms caps (crabs, cheese, etc...), cheese, crackers, ham sausage, grapes and so on. Simple yet quite filling and really tasty.
His uncle and aunt came over and brought their great sense of humor with them. We had some great finger foods, great company and the boys got to open a couple of their presents just like our traditions dictates.
The night ended well! I got to talk with each members of my family. From my parents, to my siblings to my nephew and niece. We had some great conversations, some good laughs and a few tears but over all it was just what I needed.
I have such a wonderful husband! He is the most loving and caring man I know.
Marc got the menu prepared in advance, and bought all the ingredients for our celebration a few days prior and cooked a few things in advance too. He had homemade meatballs (yummy), stuffed mushrooms caps (crabs, cheese, etc...), cheese, crackers, ham sausage, grapes and so on. Simple yet quite filling and really tasty.
His uncle and aunt came over and brought their great sense of humor with them. We had some great finger foods, great company and the boys got to open a couple of their presents just like our traditions dictates.
The night ended well! I got to talk with each members of my family. From my parents, to my siblings to my nephew and niece. We had some great conversations, some good laughs and a few tears but over all it was just what I needed.
I have such a wonderful husband! He is the most loving and caring man I know.
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| He made 156 meatballs. |
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| Buttertarts. |
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| He made millionaires squares! |
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| Those were yummy! |
Christmas this year!
I got up early on Christmas morning and woke my family up. We opened our stockings first then enjoyed breakfast together before opening our presents.
This year was different! I quietly and, with a huge smile on my face, watched my children as they tore the wrapping papers off their many presents, took a break to admire what they got and smile with excitement for Santa has brought them exactly what they have asked for, this year.
I snapped a few pictures here and there so we can look at them later on, when our own memories won't be enough anymore.
The boys got toys, pencil cases filled with pencils, and crayons so that they can perfect themselves in the art of drawing which they both like doing now. They got some Dr Seuss books, magnetic drawing boards, and movies. They got aprons, some treats, superhero bubble bath soap, lip balm, and most importantly hugs and kisses from us.
Marc being our master chef this year, got our ham ready for supper. He made homemade mashed potatoes with our favorite homemade honey mustard sauce (the only one I like with ham), roasted Brussels sprouts with carrots, and bake some butter tarts (my favorite). We kept it simple so we wouldn't have too many left overs and froze a whole bunch of ham which we will need soon enough.
We spent most day watching T.V with the boys since we had nowhere to go and the boys didn't feel like going out anyway.
I got to set my table this year and was really happy about it. As you know, I like setting my table for Christmas. Our colors were green, white and red this year. It turned out cute :).
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and enjoy time with your family. After all that's what matter the most.
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| Yes, my wrapping papers match too. I am crazy that way. |
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| Opening grandma and grandpa B's presents. |
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| Papa even got what he wanted plus some. |
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Christmas pjs!  |
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| My family <3 comment-3--=""> |
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