Grateful heart!

Lately, I have thought a lot about gratitude. Gratitude for the small (and big) things in life.

Here are a few of the ones that makes me smile and makes me happy:

• My boys! My Yann for being the independent boy he is, and for being so caring and so loving. He is constantly asking me if I need help. He cleans after himself, he makes breakfast for his brother and himself when I am a bit late. Whether it's cold cereal or putting waffles in the toaster. He does it always so willingly and cheerfully. He would spread butter and pour syrup on their waffles then cut them into small pieces and even takes their plates to the table. He loves making his own sandwiches for lunch and helps his dad in the kitchen constantly. He is so caring. He is such a great example to us always reminding us to pray about the hungered and needy. When he sees that I am struggling with something, he is there to help. I love him so much and hope he stays that way. My little Marc for reminding me that I need to slow down sometimes and just sit and play with him, with them. For helping out with chores at home like setting up and cleaning up the table before and after each meal. For always being willing to hug me and kiss me because it makes me feel good, and happy and loved. For my husband of course for being the perfect guy.
• The gospel in our lives. For the guidance and happiness it brings to each and everyone of us.
• The church magazines like the Friend and the Ensign. What a great source of inspiration they can be as you use it daily. The boys love to play the games in their magazine and read the stories that are so helpful during family home evening sometimes. I am grateful for my subscription to these magazines.  
• Music and the relaxing and happy effect it has on us all. It makes us dance, sing, laugh, sometimes cry. Music brings out fun and silliness. I expose my boys to different genre of music, different languages. The old and the new. From Tahitian music, to French, to Italian, and so on. From the Platters to Collective Soul (their papa's favorite band) and so on. Good music always makes me happy.
• Food. I mean do I even need to say more. 
• Clothes.
• The boys teachers either in primary, at school or at karate.
• Drinking water.
• My new job even though I am still learning how to use the online tools I am/would be working with. I have a couple more things to do to advertise myself in Taber and I should be good even though I am fully operational now. (CALL ME ha ha).
• My health even if it's not the ideal but it is better than some people that have it worse than me.
• Taber for being a great community despite its size.
• Marc's employer for their support when it comes to me going to Calgary for my visits with my cancer specialist.
• My mama who is my example when it comes to be courageous, and patient in her illnesses.
• My Tahiti. My culture. My traditions. Sharing it with my boys is my favorite thing. From the dancing, to the food, to the music. I will always be proud to be a Tahitian, a Polynesian. 
• The laundromat. Yes, I am being serious. I love my time at the laundromat. It actually gives me the opportunity to reflect about the day I had so far.
• Cereals! Seriously! It has been my go to food when I am sick which has been quite an awful lot lately.
• The Church scriptures books for children. The boys love them. We go through each book several times during the year.  
• My calling in the Church.
• Relief Society. How I love to go to Relief Society.
• My family of course.
• My friends even though I haven't seen or talked to them a lot recently.
• Reading my friends blogs. Reading about their blessings. Their children's accomplishments. Seeing how beautiful everyone are.
• And so on....

There is so much to be grateful for when we are aware of how blessed we are. I do not count my blessings as well as I should be, however, I am striving to recognize them daily in my life. Life is good.

Marc turned 4!

Our little M turned four last month. Why it took me so long to write about it is a mystery.  Our little boy is such a smiley, funny, smart, creative, and adorable boy. It's hard not to want to hug and kiss this boy all day long. It's amazing how he has changed since he was a baby. He wasn't my cuddliest child and yet, now he loves a hug here and there. Because he is small, it is still so easy to lift him up.

For his birthday, he decided to have a captain America cake and theme. We had our favorite baker do the cake for him and as usual she did such a great job. We loved the cake and I was tempted to eat it a few times before the party. The cake was delicious! Marc is infatuated with captain america and superheroes. He loves to read books about superheroes, and play superheroes Lego, and pretend to be his favorite hero. We have superheroes battles together, and play superhero toys daily. My boys are super passionate when they love/like something.

Because his birthday was on a Sunday, we did a few fun things the day before including picking up his cake in Lethbridge. We got some shopping done for the birthday and had some fun family outings. He tried hard to contain his excitement at Church about the party that was awaiting him at home. He kept asking us if we could go home after sacrament but of course we told him we couldn't and that he should be excited about primary because we were sure there was a surprised awaiting him there too. He was the happiest boy this Sunday. A grin that was as wide as a house, and joy that was indescribable. How we love our energetic, over active, handful, lovable, cute adorable boy.

This little brown bear loves to hug!

I took mostly videos of Marc's birthday so there isn't much pictures. 

Birthday Buddies!

I don't even know what to say about my big boy being five. He is half a decade! How did that happen?

He definitely looks more grown up. He is a really caring boy and so loving. His prayers always involve asking Heavenly Father to bless the poor people with food and shelter and warmth. He is shy, really shy until he gets to know you. We see parts of him that nobody else does. He is such a fun, goofy boy and makes us laugh a lot. He loves to build things with paper, cardboard, magnets, Lego, etc. He is so creative! He loves to draw, and write letters or words. He is slowly, really slowly, learning to read. He loves science. He loves watching documentaries about dinosaurs on Netflix among others. He is into power rangers right now. He LOVES going to school and has made a few good friends. He likes a girl in his class whose name is Macie. I think it's cute! When his dad is tired and sleeping on the couch, he would ask him if he wants him (Yann) to take him (papa) to bed so he can tuck him in. Again, really cute. He loves Karate and going swimming. In a lot of ways, Yann is just like his dad. His attention to details is mind blowing sometimes. He asks a lot of questions. He is really smart. He has a really sweet tooth on him, and loves chicken more than anything else. He is just a great boy. He gets frustrated about little things at times. He takes a lot from Marc but when he has had enough of it he becomes another person. Both Marc and him like to quote movies, all the time. We love him! He likes music. Lately there's a song that he likes to listen to, "Only you" by the Platters.

I couldn't find the rest of my pics
from the birthday.

I can say so much more about him. Yann chose a Buzz Light year cake for his fifth birthday so we asked our favorite baker if she could make it and of course she came through with it. She made a cake that got Yann "screaming" WOW over and over. He was impressed! He chose his own present this year and papa and I took care of the loot bag for him and Marc. We like to keep birthdays as a celebration for our family. The day he will asks us to have friends over, we will do it but right now, it is just a family business. We did get the tablecloth and other things that matched his cake. We have a tradition where the boy whose birthday is not gets a fun loot bag filled with a handful of treats and a couple funny things from the dollar tree. Of course our tradition wants it that the birthday boy chooses what he wants to eat so we had papa's burgers. Marc makes the meanest homemade burger patty and Yann loves his dad's burger. He brags about how good his papa's burger is. We love our family and having our boys.

Of course, the day wasn't just about Yann. He does share this day with his dad even though his dad likes to make it all about Yann. We made a present for papa and bought other ones. Papa left me a note asking me to email him once Yann was awake so he could call to wish him a happy birthday. I love the excitement and the pride that my sweetheart has about sharing a birthday with his most precious birthday present. There's a quote from Yann's baby journal, from Marc, where he wrote that holding his baby and staring in his eyes was like getting a taste of what Heaven is like. He felt a love only a parent could feel. He has been in love with his big boy ever since and the same goes for our little boy Marc.

Last week was good!

The past three weeks or so, I have been so busy with juggling with the boys's school and extracurricular activities plus my studying and house work and errands to pay bills and such that my boys and I hardly had time to just play together or go out to the library or doing other fun things. So this week, the boys came up with a plan for a fun week where they would be the princes and I would be the fairy granting them their wishes. Haha. Just kidding! But seriously though, they gave me ideas of what they would like to do and I just did it.

We went to the pool a few times during the week and had a blast each time. The boys wanted to go to Wear M out in Lethbridge so we did that too. We might make it a monthly thing but it can be really costly. And it's not as easy to go to Lethbridge as it used to since they both go to school now. We went to the playground a few times, and walked around town several times a day just to take in the beautiful spring like weather we have been having. We walked to the library too and cannot wait for the Thursday morning activities there.

We had fun with lots of family movie nights and popcorns, and of course the usual fun times at home where we pretended to be ninjas, superheroes, power rangers and so on and reading tons of fun books. I am grateful to have had such a great week. I can't wait for this week to start with more fun before I officially start my new day job. We'll still have fun since I would be making my own hours but there would probably be days where I would have more work than others. My kids are my priority though so if we want to go to the pool in the morning I would take them to the pool in the morning.

On a side note, I had a killer week with working out. It felt so great and I am so pumped to be back. I am looking forward to another week of exercising.

December 21st

Last December, Marc and I celebrated our 14th Anniversary. As usual, we kept it simple enough. The only fancy thing about our day was the beautiful cake we asked our friend Indie to make for us. It was so beautifully made. And it tasted so good with the homemade filling. We loved it! Even our boys were in awe to see such a classy looking treat on our table. We've always wanted a fancy cake, since we never had one, so when we thought about our special day, we both decided to look on Pinterest for ideas and found a picture of what we thought would be the ideal cake for us. I sent the link to Indie to ask her if she could make it and she agreed to do it. We were quite excited about it. Isn't she such a great friend?

We made it to fourteen years and are looking forward to the years we have ahead of us. While I don't mean for this post to be too cheesy, I am afraid it will sound somewhat cheesy but I promise to tell the truth and only the truth.

I honestly think that my husband is the perfect husband. I want my boys to be like their dad. To love their wives the way their dad loves me and treat their wives the way their dad does.

While Marc is not a perfect human being, he definitely is perfect as a husband (and father), to me anyway. His motto as a husband seems to be 'whatever is easier for you'. I think I have mentioned this before but here I am again. Marc says I love you to me multiple times a day. Before he leaves for work, and before he goes to bed are a given but then he does it also via emails and texts. On week ends, he lets me sleep and closes the door so the boys don't bother me. He will just patiently wait unless we have plans or places to go to. Marc is probably the most respectful husband I know. He treats me with the utmost respect and reminds the boys daily that I am his love and that as such they need to be respectful  and would not tolerate them to be disrespectful to me in any way. He serves me like no other human being does. He loves and cares for me as if I was the most precious thing he "owns". Anything he thinks would make my life easier he takes care of. He was/is my hands when I need help and has promised me that he would be my legs when mine would fail me. He does so much for me. There are no words to truly describe the way we truly are with each other. Marc does almost anything to please me and show me that he loves me. He tells it to me daily with those three little words but also through his actions. I am truly blessed! Because we are not a perfect couple, we do argue. Not all the time but it does happen. I thank my Heaven Father for blessing me with a wonderful husband. I love that he consults me on everything. My opinion matters to him. He doesn't just makes decisions for us. We always do it together.

I can go on describing the kind of man he is. Like I said before he is not a perfect human being but as a husband, he is pretty perfect to me. Early on in our marriage we decided what kind of spouses we would be to each other. I think we are really good to each other and take care of each other as perfectly as we can. Nevertheless, WE ARE NOT PERFECT! If we were we wouldn't have arguments at all. But we are working on it.  I truly think that he makes me a better wife because of the kind of husband he is.

Here's to more years together as husband and wife.

Flowers from my love!

Where do I even start...

The past four months have been overwhelming to say the least. My stress level skyrocketed to a new high. Insomnia has dictated the amount of hours I would sleep every day and to make matters worse, some minor health issues occurred sending my body into highs of pain. And when I thought it couldn't get worse than all this, I have gained back ten out of the twenty five pounds I have worked hard to lose last year.

While most of last year has been good, the last few months were emotionally and physically draining for me. A couple weeks after we sold our house, and moved everything out, I got a phone call from Tahiti that lead to a roller coaster of emotions, guilt and unceasing stress.

My mom almost died. If it wasn't for my brother, I would have gone home in October to bury her instead of enjoying spending time with her and serving her the best that I could. Her health has deteriorated so fast that it's a wonder she is still alive today. When I first heard the news, I couldn't contained the tears. My whole body dropped to the floor, it felt so painful to think that I could lose my mom. I never hurt as bad as I did that day. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk. I felt paralyzed. I couldn't sleep for a long time after that. I was on the phone with my family almost daily. I couldn't wait to go back to Tahiti and be with my mom. I was so stressed out it hurts just thinking about it.

The guilt of leaving my family to move here took over and I was beating myself daily thinking that I have abandoned them. Thinking that I was a bad daughter for leaving them. I couldn't eat most of the time. I drank lots of water just to fight the daily headaches. Most of the time, I couldn't think or even function properly. And when I actually ate, it was a mixed of this and that and I ate at ode hours of the day and night. It really is a mystery that I was able to fulfill my duties as a mother and a wife. Every day, I struggled to accomplish simple tasks. I stayed away from driving too much because I would fall of sleep while doing it so we stayed home a lot.

To make matters worse too, a lot of the unanswered questions I had about my parents' relations status resurfaced. I felt a lot of anger towards my dad's decision to walk away from his family, from his wife, all these years ago. I was angry that he could deliberately hurt my mom that way, and not give much of an explanation to why. I was angry that he chose someone else over us. I was angry that he wasn't there to fulfill his role as the husband he officially still is to my mom since they never divorced. Where was he? Why wasn't he there? I have kept these feelings of anger locked up in a closet for so many years that it came crushing my emotions going through all that I was going through.

With stress came lots of physical pain. My joints were on fire. My whole body hurt. The discomfort was so great, I was almost feeling sorry for myself which is unusual for me. I wasn't great. I wasn't feeling great. I wasn't me. It all felt heavy.

The trip to Tahiti brought some relief. Marc and I were able to help mom in many different ways. We tried to spoil her with whatever she felt like eating every day. I helped taking care of her with my siblings by providing the care she needed. Some days I would run in the bedroom because it felt overwhelming to look at her skinny and bony body. She looked so unhealthy, so powerless. It hurt to see my mom that way.  While we had a great time being home, I knew I would have to say goodbye and the thought of it scared me. The day came where we had to leave. I honestly didn't want to. I didn't want to let go of her, I wanted to hold her and stay there and feel her arms around me and smell the scent of her skin that I was so addicted too when I was a young girl. She always smelled so good. I was scared to leave. She couldn't come to the airport so on our way out, my eyes didn't want lose sight of her, and everybody else. At the end, I really couldn't see much because of all the tears. I was crying so much that it actually put me to sleep until we got to the airport. I cried as I always do before leaving every one behind and walking through the customs doors. It hurt again to say goodbye.

Once in Canada, I went through the same roller coaster of emotions. I couldn't sleep and most of the time, when I was lucky, I would run on a two or three hours battery, daily. Headaches were back. The pain in my joints never really left. My body hurt. I was depressed. I tried to be cheerful, playful, and show a good happy face for my children but it didn't always work. Yann would often walk to me and use his fingers to make me smile and tell me to be happy. Or asked me what he could do to make me happy. I felt like an awful mother. Christmas holidays came and really slowly, I felt that my days were getting better. Some weeks were great some okay then some weren't so good.

Today, I am feeling much better. I still have bad days but at least there are not daily ones. I dislike it when my phone rings because I am dreading the awful kinds of call that nobody wants to answer to. I am more focus now, and am determine to go back to where I was mentally and physically before that phone call. January started with new adventures and opportunities for me and for my family.

I am so grateful for my wonderful husband, for loving me and our boys, but also for loving my family. I am grateful for his kindness to me. For serving me, caring for me, and loving me despite my issues. I couldn't be happier to be married to someone who treats me the way he does. Always so respectfully and so genuinely. Someone who loves me less than he loves his Savior and Father in Heaven but more than anyone else on this earth. I am grateful for my boys who love me unconditionally. For hugging me, kissing me, loving me and telling me that all would be okay again, when I was sad.

Conversion

Today (Friday), after reading a few articles in the friend, Yann asked me if I grew up going to Church on Sunday. I have never really shared my conversion story with them before, so I thought this would be a great opportunity to do so. I've explained to them that contrary to their dad, who was born and raised in the Church, I didn't. I told them my story, and withheld nothing from it and explained to them how I found Jesus and how the gospel has brought hope to me. Their reaction after I was done talking was overwhelming. They gave me hugs, they told me they were happy and proud of me. I don't talk about the old me often. I carry no shame for who I was. It was me! I didn't hate that person, I liked her.

Growing up I was quite a rebel, and still am sometimes. I had a strong aversion for everything that had to do with authority, and rules. By the age of twelve, I had tattooed (literally) the symbol of rebellion against authority on my left hand and was smoking tobacco at school without my parents ever suspecting. As years came and went, I was drinking alcohol, sometimes before I even made it to school in the morning, or in between classes. I maintained great grades in junior high and got my name on the honor rolls for a few years straight but by the time I was ready to leave for high school, I was skipping school like a pro forging my parents signatures. While I made it through high school and manage to graduate, the drinking was getting way too frequent, and sometimes I would go home drunk. My dad's love for me must have turned him blind because he always thought I was just sick and needed to rest while my mom knew otherwise. By the age of twenty, I had hit rock bottom. One night I went to a party with my siblings, and cousins and got so drunk that I couldn't walk anymore. That night changed something in me, and made me reevaluate my life. I didn't want to be that person that I liked so much. anymore. I wondered and asked myself what the purpose of my life was on earth. Where did I come from? Where was I going? Why was I here? So many questions. I knew I needed to change. Somehow I felt like my behavior didn't reflect the real me. Something was missing and I didn't know what. I was lost! I was angry at times. Sometimes I was scared.

A month after that crazy party, my sisters' friends, who were members, invited us to take English lessons with the missionaries from their Church. It was free they said. My sister, cousins, nieces and a couple neighbors and I decided it would be fun, so we accepted their invitation. Man am I ever glad I did. At first we went for the free classes but one day, my sister asked me to accompany her to a discussion with the missionaries. She needed a partner. I reluctantly went. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. We were seating on the bench outside the chapel, in the inside courtyard. I listened to the elders talking and remembered them asking my sister and I if we could read and pray about a verse in Moroni chapter 10 verse 4. Praying? It was a little bit of a "foreign" concept to me. The only prayer I knew was the Lord's prayer. I didn't know how to pray, and talk to a Father I barely knew. But I did. I couldn't really feel anything. I didn't know what I was asking about. We met the missionaries a week later, and they talked about eternal families, the plan of salvation. I remember feeling overwhelmed. I rejoiced at the thought that my family could be an eternal family. From that day on, I was reading the book of Mormon every time I had a break. Every time I wasn't doing anything, I was feasting on the words of prophets of old. My heart was full. My questions were getting answered. I earnestly asked whether the book and the prophet who has translated it were true. I got on my knee for the first time ever and prayed. The answer was so powerful that I felt a warmth going through me from the top of my head to my toes. A feeling I could never deny. I knew then that my life had a purpose. I knew that I wanted to be a member of this Church. After having done all the discussions with the missionaries, and studying with them, and even feeding the missionaries, and doing family home evening with them, my sister and I set a date. January 01, 2000 would have been the day but it turned out it wasn't meant to. My dad was furious about us wanting to get baptized so he threatened to kick us out of his house if we did so. While we were sad, we somehow felt peace too. So for four years, I held on to the book of Mormon and carried it with me everywhere I went. I read it. I knew it was true. I knew it brought me joy. I didn't want to let go of it. Those four years were challenging at times. We continued to see the elders, and continued to pray. I would sometimes feel powerless and lose sight of my goal to become a disciple of Christ that I occasionally would succumb to old habits. Never taking it to the extreme but still fully knowing that I was taking a step or two back.

A month after our first meeting with the missionaries, I met my sweet husband at a fireside. Our meeting was brief. As you know, we became penpal. One of the questions he asked me in one of his letters was about what my goal was in life. I responded that I wanted to be sealed in the Temple. I didn't know that he would ask me to marry him a year later. I never hid anything from Marc and he knew that I loved the gospel, that I wanted to be baptized but that I had to find the strength to stop drinking, and smoking. A few weeks after we got married, I went to my nephew's eighteenth birthday party. I had my last bottles of beers, and punches, and what used to be my favorite drink, whiskey, and cigarettes that night. It was fourteen years ago this month.

A few months after that party, I got baptized and was fully converted and commited.I will never go back to this life I knew. I love who I am today. My life has changed for the best. I wouldn't have been able to handle the trials that I had so far in my life if it wasn't for the gospel and its principles. For my beliefs, my faith. I still have so much to learn. I still have so much growing to do. I will never be perfect but I am trying to be a better me. I am not giving up on me. Life is good!

Science and fun!

If Yann could he would be doing science experiments (for kids), every day. He is constantly borrowing my bowls, and other kitchen dishes and utensils to do experiments. He uses water, vinegar, food coloring, paper, card boards, baking sodas, and anything he can think of to see how they react with each other. A little bit of that and a little of this, and I get a full report of what he has observed and what he thinks might have lead to the outcome of his mixing and stirring. I just love my little scientist, yes that's what he calls himself sometimes.

Today, we did a lot of science experiments and just plain old experiments with everyday products. Some we have done many times before and some we just "invented" as we went. After a couple of hours of fun indoors activity, the boys went outside and did some snow painting, snow angels, and snow balls. We ate lunch and had some free play time then decided to do some painting using, straws, sponges and everything else we could think of. I love days like this where I am not the initiator of activities. They come up with what they want to do and they get everything they want to do it with out, with minimal supervising from me. They go to town with their activities, and I love that!

After all the fun, they had some time on the iPad to watch a couple movies while waiting for papa to come home. Then we headed out to Lethbridge for Western tractor days, for a free warm ham supper, and more fun for the boys. The supper was great! The boys played on the bouncy castle for a while then we stopped by the cookie bar for some yummy treats, and grabbed a couple cotton candies on our way out where the boys were given each a free backpack and a mug plus some lollipops. Then to end our fun day, after papa took care of some business he had in town, we stopped at McDonald's to grab some fruit smoothies and pastries.

Today was such a great day. I am grateful for days like these free of yelling, screaming, and grumpy attitudes. The boys have been so great these past few weeks. They have missed school during the holiday seasons and cannot wait to go back and be with their friends but we made staying home so much fun.

Last time my husband tried to fall back in the snow to show me how to make snow angels, he hit a big lump of hard snow and ended up having a kidney surgery, so I tell my boys to sit then lay down before they do their snow angels haha.

 At least Yann smiled for the picture. My kids are so hard to photograph.

I love that there are such things as winter boots and snow pants. It makes having fun in the snow more enjoyable, and of course keeps children warm, to some degree.

 

How It's Made!

My boys are really curious boys meaning they are always so eager to know how things are made. I love that about them.

Marc and I try our best to answer their questions and if we don't know the answer to those questions, we look for them on the internet. The plethora of videos and information on the world wide web seems so unlimited. Our favorite go to videos are the how it's made videos on YouTube.

We always make sure we respond to them. It is so important to show your kids that you are interested in what they want to know. It's important to teach them to come to you if they need answers to their questions. Yann came home one day from school and asked us why they pray differently at his school, and why they use the rosary when they do so. We were so happy that he came to us for answer, and that his curiosity lead him to question us about this matter. I love my boys.

The other day, we were eating lunch, and Yann asked his dad how books were made. We explained that there were different ways of making books and showed him a couple videos about the subject. We explained that before books were made, there was an author, a story teller, that wrote the story, and so on. What I like about all this is that we sometimes learn something new together. I love learning with my children.